“I don’t understand,” He spoke, sounding bewildered but giving me a sense of omniscient wisdom. “This is no longer my home. My home is on earth, where my friends are. Where Grace was.” “You understand that you will not be given this opportunity again,” he said baldly. “I understand,” I swallowed hard. “Thank you, but I’d rather stay close to the woman I love, because I am a man now, not an angel. Even if her body is gone, her memory and presence will always linger on earth, and I want to be near it.”
Without another word a blinding and warm light washed over me. I had to hold my hand up to shield my eyes from its overwhelming intensity. The next thing I knew I was back in the motel room with the Winchesters. “Cas, where the hell have you been, man?” Dean asked with a smile on his face. “Heaven,” I responded while cocking my head to the side. “Why are you smiling?” I looked at Sam who was also grinning widely.
They both stepped aside to reveal Grace Mary’s body lying on the bed and cleaned free of blood. I saw her lift her head and smile at me. “Oh my God,” I gasped. “Yes actually, it was Him that did this,” she giggled. She sat up on her elbows, trembling slightly. She was still rather weak, but she was alive. I walked over to her slowly, not wanting to wake up from this moment that was too good to be true. “Is this real?” I whispered hoarsely.
She reached a hand out to me and I met hers, only letting the fingertips stroke first, afraid the moment I touched her she’d vanish. Slowly my hand cupped hers and only then did I allow the rest of my body to wrap itself around hers. I couldn’t say anything; what was there to say? “I love you,” was all I managed. “I love you, too,” she murmured back.
“Sorry to break up this Hallmark moment,” Dean interrupted, “but is this all really over? Is Satan really dead?” “Yes he is,” Grace answered him. “And he isn’t coming back. Most of his demons went along with him.” “Most?” Sam said with a grimace. “Not all were that connected to him, so many are still roaming on earth,” she frowned. “They’re in hiding, afraid I’ll come for them next.”
She turned to me with a small smile on her face. “What now?” she asked. “I don’t care,” I chuckled. “I’m just glad I got you back.” We sat staring at each other for a long time. “Dude, just kiss her already,” Dean demanded. I wasted no time even glancing in his direction and did as I was told.
We pulled apart after a short while, taking each other in. “Hey Cas, does this mean you’re not an angel anymore?” Sam asked. “Yes,” I replied, beaming. “I’m officially human now.” “And you’re not broken up about that?” he continued. “Not even a little bit,” I replied, still looking at Grace. “Well alright then,” Dean said with a clap of his hands. “Let’s go celebrate.”
“You guys go ahead,” I insisted. “That’s my boy,” Dean stated proudly while he and Sam walked out the door. “I get the feeling your kind of celebrating is a little different than Dean’s idea,” Grace laughed. “Not really,” I conceded. “He would have eventually gotten to this.” Before I could give her any more room for protest I covered her mouth with mine and laid her back on the bed. I was a man now, and I would take advantage of every moment of it since I was only given this life once.
My vision was blurred by overflowing human tears. I’d never felt a pain like this before, the pain of losing someone I loved, and it was because Grace had been the first person I loved. It wasn’t fair that I’d found her and learned how to be human with her, and then she was taken so fast. In my completely distraught state of mind it took me a couple of minutes to realize that I was no longer standing in the motel room with Sam and Dean. I looked around, disoriented, and shielded my eyes from the insanely bright light that surrounded me.
I looked around in awe, disbelieving my eyes. I was back in Heaven. I was home, something I’d been wanting for so long, praying and working for. I should have felt elated, overjoyed, content, but I was miserable. I no longer wanted to be here. I wanted to be on earth, with Grace.
A booming, mighty voice spoke to me. It was all powerful but gentle at the same time. “You have redeemed yourself,” He spoke. “Father I am very grateful that you have chosen to grace me with Your mercy, but I can’t accept it,” I responded in monotone. “Why not?” He asked, not angry but curious. “Isn’t this what you have wanted? What you’ve been striving for? Entrance back into the Kingdom?” “It was,” I replied simply. “But after meeting Grace Mary I only want to remain on earth, close to her.” “She is dead now my son,” He stated plainly. “I know,” I said with bowed head, “but I still wish to remain back on earth, helping the Winchesters.”
As I ran to her she fell to her knees, her hands held close to her stomach. Afraid of what I was going to find, I gently pulled them back, seeing a pool of blood beginning to pour out of her skin. She fell back, struggling to breathe. I tried using my Heavenly powers to save her but to no avail. I worked earnestly to keep pressure applied to her wound. Her mouth trembled as she tried to speak. “No Grace, save your energy,” I practically cried. “Don’t try to speak.” She reached a shaky hand up to my face and smiled serenely.
I felt rather than saw the life slowly leave her eyes. “No!” I sobbed. “No damn it! You can’t do this to me!” Her hand fell limp and her eyelids ceased to blink. Her whole face had gone completely slack and I uselessly tried to bring her back to life.
Frantically I picked her up in my arms and transported the two of us back to where Sam and Dean were. By now they had woken up and when they saw Grace Mary’s lifeless body in my arms they ran to help me. “Cas what the hell happened?” Dean demanded, but I was in too much of a state of turmoil to reply. Sam went to work applying pressure to the wound as I had done and cleaning it. Dean worked on Grace’s heart, trying to start its pumping again. Nothing happened, and working on her lungs, getting air into them, didn’t do anything either.
I looked up in despair with tears of sorrow flooding down my face. “Please,” I begged quietly, “please save her. She did this for You. For all of Us. Don’t make her another sacrifice of this war.” I continued to pray knowing that Sam and Dean’s humanly efforts were futile. Only divine intervention could bring Grace back to me now.